


The Girl With A Broken Smile

by Ebonyxwhite



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Cherubs as Siblings, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Healing, High School, Humanstuck, Illnesses, Lord English is Dad, M/M, Music, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Physical Abuse, Self Confidence Issues, mafia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ebonyxwhite/pseuds/Ebonyxwhite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well."</i>
  <br/><b>- Nicholas Sparks</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. beLonging

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter will have recommended music to listen to as you read, to hopefully enhance your experience. It is not required to listen, but they add a nice touch.
> 
> Songs For Chapter One:  
> \- Sarabande (Homestuck Vol. 5, Song 18)  
> \- The Lyrist ( Cherubim, Track 7)  
> \- Dawn of Hope (Instrumental, Original Work)

  


_She’s beautiful.  
Everything about her is._

_Her face._  
 _Her lips._  
 _Her hair._  
 _Her eyes._  
 _Her nose._  
 _Her cheeks._  
 _Her ears._  
 _Her neck._  
 _Her shoulders._  
 _Her arms._  
 _Her hands._  
 _Her fingers._  
 _Her touch._  
 _Her voice._  
 _Her laugh._  
 _Her smile._

_Everything._  
 _But_  
 _She doesn’t realize._  
 _She doesn’t realize she’s the most beautiful thing upon this earth._  
 _Even though I tell her every day._  
 _She thinks she’s ugly, horrid._  
 _A monster._

_That’s not true._  
 _And it never will be._  
 _And she doesn’t realize_  
 _That without her_  
 _There’s nothing beautiful left in this world._

_And she also doesn’t realize  
That I love her more than anything.  
And I simply cannot live without her here._

**_______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Father was very insistent upon us attending a private academy.

I honestly saw very little point to spending so much on the same schooling we could easily achieve elsewhere. Besides, with Father’s plans and schedule, we would likely be moving again in the near future. It was his decision, though, and I was in no situation to argue.

That was how my brother and I ended up at the front gates of what was called Alpha Academy. It looked like your cliché little academy. An old building, dark ivy climbing along the sides and a sophisticated feeling as soon as you stepped inside, not to mention the iron gates around it and the many large trees spaced about. I caught sight of what looked like a tennis court in the distance, and I sighed. If this was what Father wished to pay for, then so be it. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to indulge in much here, though. As per usual… this was for my brother.

Do not get the wrong idea, I in no way hate my brother or my father. My father is a very strong, very strict man. He also is diabolically uncanny and intelligent. Father has endured a lot and is a man of secrets. Of course, he wishes the best of his children… I think. My brother has much weight on his shoulders, since he is expected to inherit so much should our father pass. I’m sure he is nervous and scared about it… maybe that is why he is so temperamental.  
I love both of them, as family should love each other. Though…

I still don’t know if they love me.

I suspect that they do, most likely they just have an uncanny way of showing it. Father is far from the affectionate type, so I suppose his affections would be shouting and threats. My brother takes after him in that sense, but occasionally he tends to get more… physical with his “affections”.  
Which reminded me, had I hid some of the marks well enough? I glanced to my arms, rather thankful for the jacket that was a part of my uniform. No one was bound to notice what wasn’t visible, and I had no intention of removing my jacket. Autumn was the perfect excuse for jackets anyways, so I would have no one questioning me. See? It was all so simple, hiding things from people.

Now believe me when I say I’ve become rather talented at hiding things from others.

My brother and I ascended the cement stairs into the main building, looking about for where we were supposed to receive our schedules and guides.

“Idiot wake the fuck up, it’s over here.” My brother snapped at me, rolling his eyes and storming towards one of the doors. I meekly followed him, and so we entered and were welcomed with a rather warm smile. The woman behind the desk lifted her head and smiled to us, quickly rising.

“I assume you two are the English twins? Oh, you do look a bit identical.” She asked, walking around her desk to approach us.  
“Yes ma’am. My name is Calliope, and this is my brother Ca-“  
“Caliborn. Just give me the damn schedule already.” Caliborn cut in, holding out his hand impatiently. The woman blinked, but slowly she handed him a piece of paper. “Great, see you suckers later – not.” He quickly turned on his heel and walked straight out, leaving me alone with this rather shocked woman now.

“You’ll have to excuse him, Caliborn is a bit… rash. He means well, I promise.” Goodness I hated to lie to this woman, but I didn’t want her to expect much more out of him. Caliborn was going to act as he pleased, and in all honesty the only person that could stop him would be Father. She nodded in understanding, handing my schedule to me in turn before turning back to her desk, fumbling about.  
“Here, I am sure you would like a map of campus. There are plenty of activities to do here at Alpha Academy, so you and your brother should make friends easy as pie!” she encouraged, handing me a print-out map with another cheeky smile. It seemed that everything about this woman was smiles and encouraging – I was a bit skeptical as to how long the kindness would last towards us, though. I smiled back to her and left with a small wave and a word of thanks, glancing to the papers she’d given me. First class… Ancient Civilizations and Mythology. Well that sounded interesting enough.

I easily matched building and room numbers to those on my map, and began my trek to the beginning of my new temporary schooling career. I walked distractedly, I will admit. It was nice to enjoy the serene atmosphere surrounding me. No father or brother to shout at me, no chaos, no hiding, no pretending… just a soft breeze and autumn leaves drifting lazily. What a calm time of year – no sweltering heat, no bitter cold, just the caress of the wind and nature displaying its beauty. I continued to walk idly down the pathway, other students passing me by as they carried on their own ideas, their own tasks. What were those tasks? Right now similar to mine, I was sure – get to class on time and hope to understand the lesson presented. What else did they think of, though? What else did they worry about and wonder about and dream about and wish they could esca-

“Well hey, you’re a new face.”

A sudden hand on my shoulder whipped me around, face to face with a very tall, very pale boy. He smirked, arching a brow as he looked me over and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. I froze, blinking up at him and swallowing nervously.  
“Umm, h-hello. Yes, I am new here, my brother a-and I rece-“  
“Cro lay off. Yous scarin’ the lil’ gill.”  
I shifted my eyes for a moment from the male in front of me, a dark-skinned girl with skinny braids and pointed glasses glaring at him. She shifted to put her hands on her hips, meeting my gaze and flashing me a dazzling grin. “Heya chica, glad ta meet ya. Just push ‘im off and he’ll get the hint reel quick.” She explained, and “Cro” moved his hand away and stepped back from the darker girl’s warning.  
“My bad, dollface. Just wanted to greet a new cutie.” He quickly apologized, smiling sheepishly at me. I couldn’t help but to smile back and wave off his apology.  
“Oh no, it’s quite alright! I-I just wasn’t expecting anyone to speak to me, is all. Glad to meet you, m-my name is Calliope.” I greeted, smiling once more and holding out my hand to shake. Meeting people on my first day of classes was hardly what I expected to accomplish! “Cro” continued to smile to me, and the girl smirked and shook my outstretched hand simply.  
“Meenah, pleashore. An’ the bouy is Cronus. He’s flirty, just ta warn ya. But otterwise he’s harmless.” She explained, dropping my hand and reassuming her pose with her hands on her his, leaning and smiling. “First day? Where ya headin’?”  
“Oh, umm… Ancient Civilizations… and Mythology.”  
“Oi, our girl Rox is in there! Shell take care a yous, she’s a fun gill.” Meenah laughed, giving a small wave to follow before strutting away. I blinked in surprise, Cronus shrugging and following behind her, glancing back at me.

Well… what else could I do? I chose to follow along, hoping this “Rox” person would be easy to get along with.

**_____________________________________________________________________________________________________**

My first day of classes was nothing that I had expected it to be.

Meenah and Cronus had been kind enough to lead me to my first class, poking inside and waving to a blonde girl inside. The blonde looked up from the group she was chatting with, hopping up and walking over to greet Meenah with a highfive.  
“Rox, there’s a new gill we need you ta look after. Think you can handle it?” Meenah explained, gesturing to me. I couldn’t help look at “Rox”. I was… intrigued, to say the least.

She was a little taller than I, her legs long and slim and a bit of height added by the heels she chose to wear, her skirt modestly brushing a bit above her knees. Her blouse was untucked and she hadn’t bothered with a few of the buttons, but it wasn’t as though she was trying to expose anything. Her jacket had been abandoned on her chair, I assumed, and the pink bow she had tied around her neck looked perfect and as though it was certainly meant to be there. She had long slender fingers and nails painted a fuchsia shade, waving brightly to greet me. Her face was the picture of femininity, a finely pointed chin and soft flushed cheeks, still a little plump in adolescence but beautiful nonetheless. Her lips had been darkened with makeup and her eyelids dabbled with a soft lilac, but her bright eyes were utterly enchanting with or without makeup. Her light blonde locks were styled to flip out away from her face, and her hair bounced softly with each step she had taken.

How could they even think entrusting me to someone so beautiful would be beneficial? I slowly waved back, already knowing I was probably pink with shyness and frozen to my spot. I heard Cronus chuckle beside me and saw Meenah smirk behind this girl.  
“Earth to newb, she asked your name.”  
I stammered back to life, realizing this girl had been speaking to me while I had merely been basking in her beauty. I blushed brightly and bit my lip. Why couldn’t I speak suddenly?  
“Oh, h-h-hello. I am Calliope, it’s n-nice to meet you.” I stammered, utterly embarrassed as I shyly held out my hand to shake. She smiled and giggled, shaking my hand lightly.  
“Calliope? That’s pretty. I’m Roxy, good to meet you and don’t worry, Cal, I’ll look out for you.” She grinned, tugging my hand to pull me along into the classroom. Oh no, oh no no no! I spotted Meenah and Cronus giving a parting wave, disappearing and suddenly I felt shockingly alone and worried. I was bound to make a fool of myself, why were people even so interested to greet me? I wasn’t anything special, I was utterly average if anything! Roxy led me back to the small group she had been chatting with, sitting on top of one of the desks and patting a chair nearby, motioning for me to sit. I did as instructed, looking around at these others nervously.  
“Alright, we got a new girl here to join our fun. Guys, this is Calliope. And here we have Jake-“ Roxy pointed to a neatly dressed boy with thick rimmed glasses, smiling and giving me an excited wave. “- and his totes adorbs boy Dirk-“ she then pointed to a boy with dark pointed shades, his hair styled to spike a bit and his lips a thin line, nodding to me curtly in greeting. “- and then the cutest thing that almost ever existed, Jane!” Roxy smiled bright, and the dark haired girl she pointed to giggled and waved. Jane had rounded, small rimmed glasses that rested on her small button nose, and a bit of chub to her. Roxy was right – she was cute. All of them were nice looking and then… there was me. Oh, what was I doing here with people like this? They were all wonderfully welcoming, but I… I knew better. I was probably intruding, I didn’t belong with a group of such nice people like this… did I?  
The professor stepped in and brought order to the class, asking me to come to the front and introduce myself. I was going to have to do this for each and every class, I was already aware.

The rest of Ancient Civilizations and Mythology passed with Roxy slipping me her scribbly notes to start before getting Jane to let me borrow her neat notes for the night to copy and review. Class ended far sooner than I expected, and now it was onto… English.

I crossed campus to reach my next class, glad to see at least one familiar face amongst the crowd – the Jake boy. I sat near him, and he seemed rather eager and chipper about having me join him in his “classroom adventure”. His notes were full of silly doodles and all over the place, but still legible thankfully. After English passed, it was onto my next task – Intramurals. I grimaced, but it was a required course, so no way to get out of it I was afraid.  
The locker rooms to change in were spacious and well equipped, each girl having their own locker with the academy’s intramural uniform inside. I tried to change quickly, staying hidden from the others and hoping no one noticed any of the marks… I was sure to put my jacket on for extra measure. I jogged out to the field, no familiar faces it seemed amongst the girls. I scanned the crowd of boys, and my heart sank. There was my brother… and the boy with the pointed sunglasses too? They looked like they were talking… well, Caliborn’s version of talking. Which mainly consisted of him insulting and laughing at the other person and progressively getting louder and louder and jabbing harder with his words, sometimes feeling the need to physically jab whomever he was chatting with. The blonde boy – his name was Dirk, yes? – seemed hardly bothered by whatever Caliborn may have been saying, retorting back shortly and Caliborn only seeming to grow more heated. The teacher called for everyone’s attention, and I did not catch the rest of their exchange… I also did not plan to ask Caliborn about it later.  
Intramurals was as I had expected – a hardship. It was not that I was out of shape; I was not born with the strongest of bodies, and once or twice I have had to sit out from classes like this due to collapsing or fainting. We were directed to run laps, and wearing a jacket did not help much, but I chose to move at a slow pace to keep myself from overworking. Caliborn and Dirk seemed to have no trouble at all with leading the group around the track, Caliborn still having the energy to have a fit while running.  
Changing back afterwards was a relief, and I checked my schedule to see where to next.

Lunch? Oh good, I was starting to get a bit famished.

I stepped into the dining hall, prepared to sit and dine on my own. I had no place bothering others to take their precious time and space and offer it to me, I simply wasn’t worth it and I knew better. I placed a few pieces of fruit on my tray and a bottle of water, nodding to myself in simple approval and ready to scan for an empty table to bide my time.  
The sudden hand on my shoulder had other ideas.

I turned with a fright, almost dropping my tray and face to face with bouncy blonde curls and bright enchanting eyes.  
“Hey Cali! Why don’t you come sit with us, I think we’ve got some space at the awesome table.” Roxy giggled, smiling and making my heart skip a little beat.  
“Oh I… a-alright, thank you… Roxy.” It was all I could get out, her arm suddenly wrapped around mine and skipping off to a table towards the center. I stumbled along with her, recognizing a few faces and preparing to be introduced to the new ones present. Roxy took a seat, patting the spot beside her for me to carefully take up space, smiling weakly to Cronus as he grinned at me, Meenah giving him a small smack and muttering for him to stop “creepin’ out the newb.”  
“New girl? Oh, I am sure she will be a wonderful addition and offer a lot of insight. Perhaps she would be willing to do a short interview for the paper? Of course, it’s entirely her choice but I wou-“  
“Aranea, let the gill eat her lunch, she just sat down!” Meenah intervened, smirking and playfully pushing on the shoulder of the girl next to her. The girl – Aranea, I assumed – had large rimmed glasses, black hair cascading down her back in thick shimmering locks, and she seemed like a rather small and petite girl compared to Meenah. She pouted at Meenah, but held her hand out simply to me.  
“Aranea Serket, editor of the academy paper and glad to meet you. There has been quite a bit of talk over you and your brother already.” I paled at the mention of my brother, dropping my head and sighing. I quickly straightened back out again, shaking Aranea’s hand.  
“Calliope English, a pleasure. Is that so? I was not aware people were talking about me. I am sorry to be of trouble.” I explained, dropping her hand and Aranea shaking her head.  
“Oh, perhaps you misunderstand. The talk that has reached me about you has been very kind remarks and admiration. Your brother, on the other hand…” she huffed lightly, shaking her head. “It’s been quite some time since anyone has attempted to cause a ruckus in Alpha Academy. Your brother has achieved such in barely being here for five hours.”  
“Good thing Cali seems to be nothing like him. If he keeps acting like he is, he’s going to get kicked out.” Roxy tossed in, her smile still on her face. Did that smile ever go away? I really hoped not, it was rather warming to be around… perhaps even contagious. Her smile was one worth catching, though.  
Aranea and Meenah kept going back and forth, Roxy occasionally tossing in something and Cronus merely rolling his eyes. Dirk sat there quietly, no Jake or Jane to be spotted around. Well, if this was how lunch was normally going to be, I could easily live with this.

Lunch had to end eventually, though, and onto my fourth class I went. Geometry? Oh, I had taken this before, but never had a chance to finish the class at my last school. I was accompanied by Cronus and Jane – I was beginning to notice a lot of faces in my classes now, and it was almost reassuring. The class was a breath of fresh air – I already knew most of what the teacher was explaining. Another class that passed quickly, and next – I practically squealed in delight when I saw it.

Art, next was an art class!  
I rushed into the studio, trying to suppress my smiles and excitement. I was one of the first ones to arrive, and as I watched the others enter – my smile widened as a beautiful face entered. Roxy grinned back, walking over and sitting beside me.  
“Hey Cali, you sure look happy! Glad to see you’re getting used to everything.” She giggled, pulling out a sketchbook and opening to a blank page. I timidly pulled out my own sketchbook, and Roxy quirked a brow. “Ooooooh looks like we got a little arrr-teest over here!” I blushed and held my hands up in defense.  
“H-hey! No, I-! I just… like to draw… sometimes…” I admitted softly, flipping to my own open page and keeping my head down. Roxy blinked, softening up a bit.  
“Cali I’m not making fun of you, that’s so cool that you draw and stuff. I would love to see them sometime if you ever want to show me.” She explained, her voice softer and gentler than before. I looked up to her, smiling sheepishly.  
“Oh, w-well… alright, thank… you.” If all I kept doing around her was talking quietly and stammering, Roxy was sure to think something was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I act like a normal person? Why did I have to be so… so… strange? So strange and weak and ugly and horrid and-  
The teacher called for our attention, giving us a few instructions on a project and leaving us to sketch and doodle what we wished. I slowly and nervously began, but it didn’t take long for me to get enveloped in my work. It was so strange, the trance and state of mind that art put me in. My hands moved with hardly any thought, only creating the extravagant images in my silly mind to the best of their ability. Sometimes it was simple, other times it was horribly painful. Days of confidence and days of self-loathing. But one thing I promised myself…  
I would always work my hardest and try my best.

Art ended far too soon, the only warning sign I had was Roxy nudging me lightly. I looked up, startled and snapping out of my trance.  
“Cali… the bell rang a couple minutes ago. I hate to make you stop… but one more class. Then you can continue that gorgeous drawing there.” She explained, helping me put my things away and leading me to my final class of the day – Biology. I walked in with a smile, waving to Roxy as she rushed to her own class and turning to find an empty seat.

There was only one. Right next to my brother.  
I stood there for a moment, frozen in place. Caliborn didn’t even notice, and I slowly began my walk to the back, sitting next to him and hoping, praying he wouldn’t do anything, say anything. Maybe he wouldn’t even notice m-  
“Who the fuck was that? Oh, think you’re some hotshot and people want to be around a freak like you? Take notes, you can do whatever shitty homework this bitch thinks she’s giving us.”  
I was never a lucky person.

Biology continued on with Caliborn muttering things to me, chuckling when I would pale or stiffen or try to scoot away from him. He thought this was just some game; that I was his toy here to do with as he pleased. Well… I guess I was. It’s not like I could fight back, I couldn’t stop Caliborn. If I made one slip, one mistake, one attempt – Caliborn would inform Father.

The last thing I wanted was to be reprimanded by Father.

The final bell could not have rang sooner, and I quickly stood and gathered everything. I was prepared to dart away, to leave Caliborn behind and escape for a moment – until the strong grasp on my jacket pulled me back.  
“Whoa there, where ya goin’? Father wants us home, you know that. Dinner won’t make itself, and my homework isn’t going to do itself either.” He smirked, tossing his bag at me and starting his stride out. I was quickly in tow, both of our bags in my possession as I hurried to keep up with him. As expected – there was a car waiting for us, one of Father’s attendants stepping out to open the door for us. Caliborn climbed inside, I prepared to follow him in when a shout got my attention. I lifted my head to look around, barely spying long braids and gelled back hair before I was shoved inside, almost falling on top of my brother. The door slammed and his face looked disgusted, roughly shoving me away.  
“You can’t even get in a fucking car right. It’ll be a damn blessing the day you’re dead.”  
I sat quietly, head down and trying to prepare myself.

I had to prepare myself for going back home.


	2. if Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _" In this world, full often, our joys are only the tender shadows which our sorrows cast."_
> 
>  
> 
> **\- Henry Ward Beecher**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for Chapter Two:
> 
> \- Power Fantasy (Homestuck: Cherubim - Song 2)  
> 

Some days I begged for car rides to be longer.

Going home was never quite a part of any day I looked forward to. The house and the furniture and the size changed often depending on where we were, but one thing always stayed the same.  
Father and Caliborn would find a reason to “speak” to me.  
The limousine rolled lazily through the gates leading to our newest home, the clang of them closing behind me making my heart drop. Caliborn shifted, shooting a glare at me as we were taken up the driveway, finally stopping before the estate.

At least Father had good taste in housing. The estate had the charm of the Victorian era, built out of stone with a lavish garden outside. Colorful flowers were dying off in the autumn chill, and the trees surrounding the house were shedding their richly colored leaves, decorating the property with their loss and shading the area in brilliant oranges and reds. The house itself stood tall, almost menacing, with three levels along with a basement and small attic. The roof was a deep charcoal color, complimenting the grey stone kindly and the white trim of the windows standing out. A chimney topped the roof, smoke trailing languidly from it for the moment being. Back on the ground, stone steps lead up to the porch, white columns supporting the overhang and lined with a beautifully trimmed fencing. There was even a small swing near one end, but I doubted it would ever be put to much use. The house was such a neutral tone, the inside would prove quite a shock to anyone really.  
Father had a love for pool and the color green. I would never quite understand why, but it was his own choice really. One step inside, and you were assaulted with a bright, gaudy shade of green all over the walls. You would have to remove your shoes – Father would nearly murder you on the spot if there was a trace of dirt on the floor. To the left was the dining room – a long table, tall chairs, and a small chandelier shedding light on the dark green walls. To the right – the coat room. Father hung his burly overcoat in there, its usual green with a bright burst of color on the cuffs and collar. Caliborn kept bothering Father for one of his own, but Father would always tell him he needed to prove he was ready for such a thing. Then Caliborn would have a fit and more often than not I would take the blunt of it.  
Oh, forgive me, I am trailing off topic! The house, well, it had a plethora of rooms. Of course there was the kitchen, the living room, the sun room, the pantry, Father’s office, Caliborn’s room, my room, a multitude of bathrooms. In addition, though, there was the pool room, the “dark” room, the interrogation room, the Mistress’ room, the caretaker’s room, the host’s room, and… many, many rooms I had no idea what was hidden inside. I didn’t want to know, in all honesty. Father had his secrets, and I was not intended to know them. Caliborn knew what was inside some of the rooms… but not all.

We entered the house and left our shoes by the door, Caliborn leaving for Father’s office and I left with both of our schoolbags. I sighed, dragging them up the stairs to take them into my room and begin working on what both of our teachers had given us – Caliborn wanted me to do his work, I already knew. As I ascended the stairs, I heard a soft ‘honk’ and lifted my head.

“ Hey, lil’ miss, whatcha doin’ with all them motherfuckin’ bags and stuff?” Gamzee asked, already taking one of the bags from me and smiling in that simple way he always did. Gamzee, he was the son of one of our caretakers. That caretaker had met with a rather unfortunate end, though… so Gamzee was our caretaker now, in a sense. He was very, very tall, with a mess of greasy black hair and a simple smile of crooked teeth and a long nose. His eyes were one of the most interesting things about him, though – they were dark, dark like pits of nothing, but they shined with the kindness of a gentle giant. Caliborn hated him, always hitting him or shouting at him for nothing – but I enjoyed Gamzee’s company. He was gentle and funny, he enjoyed making people laugh and to see their smiles. If he was anything, he was a dear friend to me.  
Gamzee helped take the bags to my room, taking them inside and setting them on my simple bed.  
“Can I get ya anythin’ else, lil’ miss?”  
“Oh, n-no thank you, Gamzee. I’m just doing some school work… I’ll be alright.”  
Gamzee shrugged, closing the door behind him as he stepped out. I sighed, opening both of the bags and pulling everything out. Where to begin? Probably with Caliborn’s work… he would reward her wonderfully if she didn’t have it done by dinner time. She dug through the mess he had thrown into his bag, pulling out his homework and setting herself up at her desk. It wasn’t such a bad thing, really… she was used to doing all of his work. She doubted by now that Caliborn could ever really outsmart her – she was the one that did everything for him, she was the one learning for the two of them. Then when Caliborn failed his exams and tests – Father paid off the school and Caliborn continued on like nothing.

I was the smarter… but Caliborn was stronger.

 **___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**  

I nearly had all the work done when I heard the shout.

**“CALLIOOOO _OOOOPE!”_**

I jumped, quickly dashing out of my room and down the stairs. I stumbled, nearly falling several times as I opened the door to Father’s office.  
“Y-yes, sir?”  
Father glared at me, his deceptively cold green eyes hardened and disgusted by the very sight of me. He was a large man, frighteningly muscled and dwarfing all the furniture in his office. The only possible weakness Father could have would be his false leg. He didn’t try to hide it, though, the false limb was a sparkling gold color, and I had seen him more than once stash liquor or pistols or drugs in a compartment inside of it. Caliborn mentioned once that when he went out to discuss “business”, he put gun powder and explosives inside in case anyone wanted to exploit his so-called “weakness”. Father motioned with his huge hands for me to step closer, and I was trembling as I obeyed.

“Calliope, your brother informed me that you were being a nuisance today. Well? Anything to say for yourself, girl?” he growled, and I winced and dropped my head.  
“S-sir, with all due respect, I do not think I was being any sort of nu-“  
“Quiet!” His words almost stung worse than his hand, and I nearly tumbled from the sudden strike. “Your very _presence_ is a nuisance. If you weren’t good for _menial labor_ and _teaching Caliborn_ then you would be gone! What you think doesn’t matter, **nothing** about you matters. Just like your mother, a _waste of space_. Get my dinner and get Caliborn his, then _disappear_.”  
I nodded quickly, turning and stumbling out of his office as I peeked into the kitchen. I was almost thankful to see Doc making the plates. He lifted his head, blinking his milky eyes in my direction.  
“Young miss, come to retrieve dinner? Excellent, I was expecting you.” He smiled simply, putting the three plates on a tray and holding it out to me. It would never cease to unnerve me how he always knew where I was, how he knew what I was there for… he was a blind old man, how could he possibly know so much! He was always extremely formal, though, and he never tried to intentionally say hurtful things towards me. I accepted the tray with a meek “thank you” before I hurried up to Caliborn’s room. I almost hoped he wasn’t there… that would mean less trouble for me. I opened the door to his room, looking about and greeted with emptiness. I sighed in quiet relief, setting down his plate and turning to leave.  
“Where the hell are you going with my dinner, stupid bitch?”  
Caliborn was in the doorway, shoving me roughly back into his room and making me drop the tray. The last plate tumbled and food seemed to be everywhere, Caliborn snarling in rage.  
“Look what the fuck you did! You fucking idiot!” he shouted, kicking the tray at me. Thankfully it didn’t come close to me, but that only seemed to piss him off more. He kicked again, this time striking my shin. “Don’t just lay there, clean it up you bitch!” I scrambled, picking up the plate and trying to scrape the food back up with my hands. Oh god, this was bad, this was really bad…  
Caliborn ripped the plate from my hands, grabbing a handful of food and throwing it at me, still glaring.  
“ _Useless_! You’re fucking _useless_!” he screamed, still throwing food at me until the plate was empty and I was covered in it. He threw the plate at me, it crashing into my head and for a moment I thought I was going to pass out. I barely heard the shatter of the plate and I think that was blood running down the side of my head. Caliborn was screaming still, but I could barely understand him.  
“…-ucking deaf?! Pick that shit up!” He kicked my stomach this time, and without meaning to I yelped from the hit. He hesitated, smirking from the sound.  
“… the matter Calli? Does it hurt?” he kicked me again, putting more force behind it. I choked a bit, coughing hard and falling back when he threw a third kick at me. He was laughing, almost giddy as he thrust his heel down, I at a loss for air as he was howling in laughter. I curled up, coughing and trying to breath, he finally seeming bored with what he was doing.  
“… clean up and get out of here, it’s disgusting to even breathe the same air as you.”

I didn’t move at first, and he kicked my shoulder, walking away from me to his dinner I had set down for him. I finally pulled myself up, wheezing as I picked up the broken remains of the plate and slowly made my exit. I dropped the plate into the trashcan in my room, carefully peeling off my stained clothes and leaning against a chair, praying I didn’t pass out. Why did head wounds have to bleed so much…

I limped into the bathroom beside my room, pulling out the first aid kit I got for myself and checking my wounds. Oh… when had I started crying?

I hadn’t even noticed my own tears.

I took a short shower, wrapping some bandages around the more serious wounds and putting small band-aids on my hands and elsewhere. I could breathe again, that was a relief. I quietly brushed out my short hair and brushed my teeth, slipping into my room and making sure to lock my door.

I had to finish Caliborn’s school work before I began my own.


	3. riSks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."_
> 
>  
> 
> **-Federico García Lorca**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, it has been a while.  
> I have been sitting on this chapter for too long - literally sitting on it, yes.  
> This has been posted due to the eager encouraging of someone who is simply dying for a continuation and that is debatable to occur. We will see how things work out but for now, here is the short lived chapter three.

“Calli, what happened?”

 

I lifted my head, forcing a look of confusion.  
“Hmm? I’m sorry, what do you mean?” I was sitting at my seat, waiting for my first class to begin. I knew people were bound to notice – it was difficult not to notice when someone had a rather large bandage on the side of their head and fingers wrapped up in little band-aids. Jake took a seat beside me, Dirk following silently behind him. Truthfully, he would have escaped my notice if he wasn’t so tall and wore such… interesting sunglasses. Jake’s lip pouted a little, meeting my eyes with his rich green ones.

“Calli dear, how do you get such a nasty klonk to the side of the head and act like its water under the bridge? It looks awfully painful!” he exclaimed, gaining the attention of a few other students around us.  
Oh Jake, why did he have to be so… so… loud and oblivious? He meant well, I know, but really… I only wanted to forget what had happened, and I had been struggling with an explanation since I received the blow. Fell down some stairs? That wouldn’t explain my cut fingers. Tripped in the kitchen? Hit my head and shattered a plate? That might work…

Anything would work to cover up the real reason.

“Oh, you mean my head! I had a bad slip in the kitchen, I had been doing dishes… the floor was wet and whoops! I broke a few plates too. Honestly, I’m rather clumsy…” I tried to chuckle and wave the situation off. Jake’s concern dimmed down a bit, but it was still lingering in his eyes.

“Well, if you say you’re alright… but really Calli, you should be careful! We wouldn’t want to see our friend in such a nasty predicament! The last place we’d want to be visiting you is wrapped up in the hospital!” he smiled a bit, chuckling with me. I caught a sigh from Dirk, his shoulders relaxing a bit. Had he been concerned too? Oh, that was kind of him…

I didn’t think they would all care so much about me. It was only a bump on the head.

“Hey! Quit flirtin’ over there Jake, you already got yourself someone!”  
My head snapped to the doorway, Roxy standing tall and proud before bounding over, hopping over a desk just to sit on the one in front of me. Today she had accessorized herself with a long purple scarf, and her eyes looked more… cat-like today. She had her signature grin, and… oh, when had that smile been on my face?

“Now, there is a very important matter o’business to discuss here, folks!” she waved her arm in a grandiose fashion, gathering the attention of those she knew would pay attention. Then her finger fell to her lips, and the room got a bit quieter.

“…who here knows something ‘bout a party goin’ on? Who thinks they’re havin’ a party without Roxy, queen of parties and good times?” A few people chuckled, and Dirk shook his head a little.

“Meenah is having one, you just wanted to play mysterious and act like you didn’t know.” The sudden pout on Roxy’s face was all the answer Dirk needed, easily dodging Roxy’s little punch at his shoulder.

“Diiiiiirk you ruined the surprise!” she whined, but it truthfully didn’t matter. Now people were interested, some moving a bit closer and others starting to talk amongst each other. So much hub from just one simple word! It was only a party… parties required invitations and guest lists, right? Parties were for special and grandiose occasions and celebrating, and…

And I’d never been to a party before.

“Oh, is it Meenah’s birthday soon? I wish I would have known, I will have to make sure to get her a gift!” I rambled, and Roxy suddenly trilled the cutest laugh I’m certain I will ever hear. She shook her head, lightly patting my shoulder.

“Calli, it’s not a birthday party dear. It’s just a party! Fun and music and dancing and woo!” she tossed her hands up to emphasize, Jane chuckling as she joined our little circle.

“Roxy you have too much fun at parties, remember the last party Meenah had? You tried to make out with Dirk and passed out in her bath tub.” Jane pointed out, and suddenly Roxy’s cheeks flared with embarrassment, batting her hand in front of her.

“Shhhhhh that was one time Janey! Gosh girl you act like I do it all the time! Besiiiiides…” she leaned down close to her, covering her mouth to whisper something in Jane’s ear. It had to be something obscene, because Jane suddenly jumped up with bright cherry cheeks and a flustered expression.

“Roxy! D-don’t say stuff like that, especially around everyone!” she exclaimed, and Roxy burst into giggles. Her grin was like the Cheshire Cat’s, and she bat her eyes at Jane then.

“Aww, c’mon Janey. You know you’re too damn cute, and seein’ you all flustered is the highlight of my day. Make Jane flustered and blush, chhhhheck!”

They could have continued like this for hours if given the chance, but the bell called for order and a few minutes later our teacher entered. We took our seats and everything seemed so docile and simple then. Students writing and scribbling as the teacher lectured, occasionally writing things on the board or calling for someone to answer him, entice a response to end his soliloquy and check that the students gathered were even paying attention.

I was trying, really I was… but it was hard to listen with so much going on in my head. Parties… they sounded like fun, really. I couldn’t recall much dancing and music and being around other people. I was interested in going, but then… would I need an invitation? Even if I was invited, what would I tell Father? He would never allow for me to go, he would laugh at the very idea.  
How on earth did I even think I would be able to go to a party?

When I wasn’t thinking of parties and dying to go to one… it was Roxy. Roxy and her beautiful figure. Roxy and her angelic face. Roxy and her kind voice. Roxy and her cute laugh. Roxy and that sweet little curl in her hair. Roxy and her cat like eyes. Roxy and the way those eyes looked at Jane. Roxy and the way she talked to Jane. Roxy and the way she laughed with Jane, poked at Jane. Roxy and the way her eyes sparkled when she looked at Jane.

Roxy and the way I knew I was never going to be looked at like that by her.  
Roxy and how perfect she is and how ugly and plain and… and disgusting I am.

I never even had a chance.

A small note was laying there on my desk now. When had that gotten there? I picked it up, carefully unfolding it and reading it.

It was from Roxy.

_Calli  
_

_What happened to you? I was gonna ask before but I didn’t want anyone to stare. You okay? Looks like you got beat up._

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